I'm baackkkk

I hear my minions are asking about me and if I can or will communicate with them as we celebrate the anniversary of my unleashing on the world. Ha! Where is the proper respect?

So yes I am, as always, a lazy ass beagle who can't find the time between my many naps and plotting sessions to write about my life. I will try harder to share with the world the tales of my escapades but the damn humans better hand over treats as a reward. You hear that big guy I want more mash in my food pot or else.

This diabolical infestation has been pretty busy, bringing converts to my flock of minions, destroying Oreo's toys, eating moms plants and tormenting the big guy to my hearts content. Seems mom married the big guy, whatever that means, but it seems to have made her happy and I understand I can call the big guy "dad" though it drives him crazy but as long as I get my justly deserved lap time who the fuck cares? I mean really I am Trooper THE beagle I deserve all the lap time I want right along with all the soft fluffy beds and cozy blankets. So yeah mom went away and abandoned me with my dork brother Oreo for way too long and boy did I tell those folks at the Vet's office about my displeasure. But mom and...dad *snicker* have spent more time at home loving on me after their trip so its all good man all good. I am trying to sneak some of that Rum stuff mom talks about, that shit smells GOOD!

Otherwise life is pretty damn good, sometimes they forget to lock me up in my box or I manage to escape and wreak my own brand of havoc upon the household. Like I got out the other night while the 'rents were gone and boy howdy that was fun; the dumb ass scardy cat Oreo stayed in the kitchen like a "good boy" (damn pussy assed mutt) as he was too scared to step out of line and join in my fun. Thats OK more fun for me. The look on mom's face was priceless when I met her at the front door, the big guy was SURE I had eaten half the house on my rampage but it was all good in the end.

Yeah Oreo I am still talking shit about you, what ya gonna do about it eh? Bite my ass, come on we know you won't do it. Fuck my forehead-oh I am SO scared! Not. You are a sorry ass scaredy cat when it comes to shit man, grow a pair already.

Damn the mommy will be home soon and she always gets mad if I am loose so back to the box for me, catch you guys later

T

So like I am excited out of my fur, today the big guy tells me I get to go see the mommy at this "work" place she talks about. I am going to bring her lunch and get to meet all her pals at work. Oh yes I know this means adding converts to the cult of Trooper Beagle!!

Too bad she had to give me a BATH for her sisters visit and this trip to work, I miss my funk and am hard at work to replace it, a good car trip in the big guys wheels will help with that. Hey and whats with this clean thing anyway? Hrumph!

Angela, mom's sister, came to visit a few days ago, wow that chic has some strange smelling stuff but at least she did not bop me in the nose too much for sniffing all her things. Hey its my job to inspect everything going in and out of this house.

oop the big guy says its time to go get in the car and see mom!

So I have been hang'n out

So like whats a dog to do when the humans in the house get better and better at security? Dude a dog has to blog

Anyway I am back after make'n a deal with mom about pissing on my beds (or Oreos) if I get to blog more, course Im a dog so I lie big time haha.

So long story short the Funkmaster Trooper Beagle is back

*crickets chirp*

Damn humans! What happened to my little fan club eh? I have not received a single gift or even card this year from my "adoring" fans, HRUMPH I know who's shoes I will piss on

I demand my goodies

Me

Yes I am a slack ass

Yo!

Escaped crazy beagle here. Yes I escaped the new "house" the humans have put me in to speak out to all my followers. Mom and the big guy got me a new "house" i.e. cage some time ago and I have given them royal hell over it, I cant escape to talk to you peeps.

Free TROOPER!

Harrumph

So much to catch you guys up on, first there was the big move into the big guys house-you! He was pretty freaked out about the whole thing, he's a bright man to know the scourge of the beagle funk was going to take over his life. I've been going easy on him, after all I REALLY like the big guy so why screw it up. So we are moved in, still got boxes of moms crap around but Oreo and I are happy dogs and eating up the affection of the big guy. Did I mention he makes a great spot to sleep? Warm, quiet and makes sure Oreo and mom don't mess with me-I heart the big guy chest.

Then we had Halloween-I got to wear the witch costume with the little skirt and hat, Oreo laughed at me but I got him back later by chewing up one of his toys. He's so much fun to torment and he wont hurt me.

There have been various food items the big guy left out that I have gobbled up faster than he can pull my jaws apart. That big guy cooks some good dog chow *evil grin* let me tell you, real damn good.

So now are at the holidays, the humans got us gifts, Oreo got a couple of goofy ass stuffed toys, why he plays with those things I will never know but he is CRAZY about his toys. Me, the folks went all out and got me this big doggy sleeping bag/snuggle bed thing it ROCKS. I can burrow to my hearts content in a bed all my own. Now if I can lure Oreo over here to join me...

Damn gotta run I hear the UPS guy maybe there are more gifts from my minions

Birthday gift

So its like my birthday and all, mom and the big guy seem to love to get me shit then laugh at what kinda fool I can make out of myself. I'm a dog, I get my attention how ever I can so this works.

Last night the mommy and the big guy gave me this gift, still not too sure what to think of it but its red and kinda looks like the cat across the street-short and FAT. Hey Morris, hey wake up! Yes I'm talking about your fat ass, no wonder there are so many squirrels for Oreo to chase your so fat you cant get up off the stoop to chase em. Damn cat, at least you don't mess with the birds, mom would be PISSED.

Oh sorry where was I? I love to talk shit bout the cat down the street.
Oh yes the gift...its big and red and IKEA says its a cat house but mom thinks it will be a great beagle snuggle house. I will say its fun to run around with it on my head bumping into things showing off for the camera. Oreo is scared of it so its even better, its MINE all MINE *evil laugh*

Now I wait for the mommy and the big guy to get home to see if they are going to take me on a ride in the car to celebrate, I love love love riding in the car I get to drool all over mommy's car and all the cars behind us. People make such nice hand gestures at me telling me I am number one after I do this hehe

OH PS thanks for the birthday well wishes from my adoring fans, you guys are great but um where's the BEEF!

So I am going to be an old hound

Dude its nice out and here I sit in this box, where is the justice in the world? I know there are bunnies out there, I smell em, they are taunting me with their fluffy tails...no wait that's Oreo. DOH!

Anyway my birthday is in 2 days. I'm getting old mom says, 9 years old so that's...what 63 dog years? Thinking about it makes a hound dog gone tired I tell you. Not sure what fun mom and the big guy have cooked up but normally they do fun stuff for doggie birthdays. So looking forward to that cake and ice cream after a long ride in the car. I love to push my nose all over the windows and leave my slime and funk behind. The nice lady at AKA Spot always gives me treats and tells me how cute I am-OF COURSE I AM I AM TROOPER BEAGLE! hrumph!

Maybe mom will let me have some trash to ear or q-tips oh that sounds GREAT I tell ya.

So what you my loyal converts to the cult of Trooper going to do for me on my big day???

Spring in the eyes of a Beagle

So like dude there are FLOWERS out there, my hound doggy nose just loves to come up take a good sniff of that spring goodness then

CHOMP! I bite the flower off and eat it. Does a body good donchaknow?

So its spring, mom is in full cleaning mode, moving crap around and messing up my carefully worked out funk piles. Drives a dog crazy to have his scent cleaned up but Oreo and I have a way to exact revenge that works so very well-shedding. Mom is going nuts trying to keep up with our small heffalump sized fur piles. Man get a good wind in the window and they float around like hairy tumbleweeds, mom spots em and rushes off to sweep em up, the more she sweeps the more we shed and if she is not paying attention I leave big piles of beagle hair on her pillows in the night so she wakes up with beagle hair in her face.

Hey its better than beagle butt in your face from her point of view.

So its like 20 days to my birthday, what should I hit mom and the big guy up for? They normally haul me down to AKA Spot to do some shopping and pick me up a doggie birthday cake. AKA Spot just ROCKS, nice lady in there gives me treats and calls me an angel. Ha what does she know?!